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Saturday, February 21, 2009

7 Secrets of Happy Couples

7 Secrets of Happy Couples
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Why do some couples stay happy together for a lifetime, while others are in conflict almost from the beginning?

Part of the answer is compatibility - making the initial choice of a partner with whom you share common values. Equally much, however, depends upon the choices each partner chooses to make during the relationship. Here are seven choices made by happy couples:

1. Trust: Suspicion and jealousy are the death knell of any relationship. If the other is going to cheat or otherwise dishonor the relationship, suspicion and jealousy will not prevent it, and such a relationship is fatally flawed in any case. Unwarranted suspicion and jealousy create misery in a surprising number of relationships. If you want to live happily, trust your partner completely. If they dishonor your trust, deal with the situation then. In the meanwhile, you will have been happy.

2. Open Communication: Tell the truth, tell the whole truth. If you didn't want to share your whole life with your partner, why are you together? If you make a mistake, admit it. If you have doubts, talk about them. Secrets and lies kill a relationship. With truth and openness anything is possible. Even if something is unforgivable, it is better to deal with it quickly.

3. Honoring the other's point-of-view: People disagree, couples disagree. Understanding that the two partners in a couple remain individuals is crucial to a happy relationship. Why would you expect that you and your partner should agree on everything? Honor that one of you is a Republican and the other a Democrat. Honor that one of you is a vegetarian and the other loves a great steak.

4. Self-Confidence: Co-dependence is another frequent cause of failed relationships. Happy couples know that they don't need each other. Each partner is a completely whole and valid individual who has entered into a voluntary partnership. Neither "owns" the other, nor "can't live without" the other. Each has their own interests and friends, as well as having mutual interests and friends.

5. Generosity: Greed and selfishness kill relationships. True love is generous in spirit. Mostly, generosity is not about material things, although that is also important. To have a happy relationship, be generous of your time, your love, and your attention.

6. Forgiveness: Resentments and thoughts of revenge and vengeance have no place in a happy relationship. Happy couples forgive each other completely for everything the other has ever done or failed to do - no exceptions.

7. Gratitude: Happy couples are continuously grateful for each other. Every day there are a myriad of reasons to be grateful for your partner. Find those reasons each day, and thank your partner every day.

27 comments:

  1. sometimes some secrets are necessary....

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  2. i don't think secrets are good, they come back to haunt u later on, somewhere down the line. trust me, I lied way too much in the past and I still pay for it today

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  3. Not every time the openess and honesty help, sometimes it turns into weapon in your partner's hand for struggling. That's why i should advise to keep some secrets from your partner and not to be so open. Just try to be mysterious, it helps to remain interesting for your partner!!!

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  4. honesty is the key, and yes it can be turned into a weapon. If it does, then your partner has some serious confidence problems somewhere, whether its confidence in your, or themselves.
    Being mysterious isnt keeping secrets, its just being interesting. Just remember, if one other person knows your secret it will come out and the end results could be far worse than the action itself.

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  5. Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.So if you want to be happy just trust and love to your partner.I like this rules also for happy life.
    r4

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  6. I have read every step. And in every relationship, I have been suspcious , a bit greedy, and ready to accuse the other person, and like the ubove Anonymous said that some secrets are nessary.(Excluding his faults)..
    I took responsibilty for the much too much time spent on the wrong person.
    BECAUSE... Now I have in (my opinion) love .. not the love that caring .. attatched .. or grow with that person becuase we have things in common or common ground. ...NO ALL THOSE STEPS ABOVE COME NATUALLY, I COULDENT LIE TO HIM IF I WANTED TO.. ITS NOT A STATEMENT ITS A FACT. JELOUS AS I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN .. WELL ALL I CAN DO IS SMILE, AND LAUGH WHEN IAM WITH HIM AND WHEN HES NOT I CHERISH THE MINUTE IAM IN THE SAME ROOM AS HIM > AS HE WIDE EYE SHARES THE SAME. AND GENEROUSTY .. Id DRIVE A THOUSAND MILES ABOVE THE HIGHEST MOUNTAIN WITH THE LAST PENNY I HAVE SO SHOULD HE NEEDED. (AND I HAVE WITH NO REGRETS EXCEPT FOR NOT STAYING TILL HE COULD COME HOME)..
    AFTER READING THOSE STEPS I WOULD'V QUESTION AND PLACE BLAME AS I AGRUED EVERY ONE OF THEM. NOW THEY ARE EFFORTLESLY A GIVEN

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  7. well in a relationship you and your partner have to give and take especially in work and in friends...because sometimes you need time for yourself and for your friends..not all your time will give it to your partner..you need to balance everything...

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  8. Yes give time for your friends...but priority first your family....

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  9. commitment is the key. broken promises whether big or small chips away trust, forgiveness, open communication and eventually love.

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  10. Fritzwilliams(accafritz@gmail.com)March 12, 2011 at 11:58 AM

    Life is situational.what might be good for someone may not apply to you.that's just the life we are living.those facts are good but it depend on us to better make use of them

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  11. If you can't do any of these (or have them), your relationship is in desperate need of some help. This stuff applies to any relationship. If you try to justify not doing any of this, then your dealing with some serious issues and need to admit it and get help.

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  12. Look at the happiest couples you know, and you will find they share these 7 traits. However, these 7 characteristics do not guarantee that a relationship will even be good, let alone great.

    A good relationship requires somewhat compatible people who each have self-respect, and show kindness and consideration toward each other. Once those basics are in place, these 7 "secrets" can make the difference between a "good" relationship and a great one.

    Specifically on the subject of secrets, they have no place in a loving relationship between confident and considerate partners. And if there is not love, self-confidence, and kindness in a relationship, that relationship probably should be ended so each person has the opportunity to find happiness with a more compatible partner.

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  13. in my part its really hard to trust my partner but because of your quote mail I'm trying to get this thing out of my head...and will teach my self to trust him completely..

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  14. when we love there must trust because without trust love would fade..

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  15. Almost all people in the world has 3 problems 1. Money 2. Health and 3. Relatoinship.
    Life is not fair if you dont have money, youre nothing, its very hard to solve problems thats why if you cant make money, Mediocrity follows you have to be above it.

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  16. Read the 1st Corinthians 13 in the love chapter in the Bible, try The Living Bible translation, it is right on: "...Love is hardly noticing it when others do wrong..." I guess we have to wear blinders at times...A Born Again Christian (see John 3:16 in Bible...Blessings. Nelda.

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  17. it's not on the secrets or whatever advises brought by some experts where the couple could be happy together for long lasting...it really relies on the couple of how aggressive and devoted they are to maintain and keep their relationship...if they really value their relationship and each other, then they'll do everything for its sake.

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  18. This goes for any relationship at all. Romantic, family,friends, business.... Trust is the key ingredient.
    On keeping secrets; it's not necessary or even good to tell everything, but if you do decide to keep something to yourself, examine your reasons very carefully!

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  19. My partner and I do everything together ... sort of joined at the hip you might say. We have the same set of friends, same interests etc etc We are never apart, even at home we look for each other's company, we shop together, we go out together and never have gone to functions seperately unless necessary. I know it sounds crazy but we could have freedom to do things independantly but we choose not to ... We accept that we need each other and balance each other out in our journey in life ... when the time comes that one of us will be alone we are already prepared for that and will deal with it when it happens, in the meantime we continue to depend on each other as a team for the last 18 years ... so co dependency sometimes does work :-) and if my partner has secrets that will hurt me, I would rather not know and am happy with that ... if it does come out one day, we will deal with it then, why muddy clear waters ... Have a blessed day !

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  20. i was married 35 years when we got separated. he passed away without notice. heart attack. it was really hurting. all through the years looking back it was good marriage despite adversity. but after 28 years being alone, i found myself loving again. i despise myself but it came naturally. it will never happen ever again. it is too late. but this time i found out it was true love that comes around. i still love my late husband. he was the best i ever had and nothing will ever replace him. i do not know what lies ahead but i feel sorry that my heart awakened me once again. i hope and pray that i will have the strength to carry on and bear whatever hurts.

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  21. "Don't marry someone you can live with, marry someone you can't live without" This is GREAT advise.
    Respect, commitment, and tolerance (not indifference) are key for any long lasting relationship. Being able to reach beyond yourself is essential. I now realize that I raised children with someone who rather than problem solved with me, discredited me behind my back when we disagreed. I am so happy for the time I had alone with them when they were little children. Now I am free to be myself without him around belittling me and my children are now young adults who can judge for themselves. Sometimes I want to defend myself but I told them that I would answer any questions to the best of my ability and the rest I would trust to their intelligence as they grow and develop in their own lives. I lived 25 years struggling with a lack of trust and closeness but at least now I have the joy of relief and a new day to look forward to!

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  22. I agree with all of this, thanks a lot!!
    One important thing I add to be a happy couple is to have God as a center in our marriages.

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  23. Yes, as it said these(7 secrets) are important if not the only thing that couples do to have a good relationship.

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  24. it's me again. a ltr from me jan 12,2013. i still the way i am. i do not understand the situation i find myself into. i still have fond memories of my late husband. but falling in love again is all that lies within. loving desperately at this point is the greatest of all hurts. i choose love. it makes me complete as a person. it was indeed a great mistake but let it be done to me according to god's will.

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  25. A good friendship evolves from a good marriage which evolves from a good bet.

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