Abraham Maslow: If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.

If the only tool you have is a hammer,
you tend to see every problem as a nail.
- Abraham Maslow

Each one of us has many problem-solving abilities, but we tend to feel most comfortable with a small number of them - those techniques are our hammers.

For example, we may have learned that we get results by using anger. Others back down when we show anger, so we continue the practice. Anger has become the hammer.

So what happens when the problem is, for example, intimacy with a partner? Out comes the hammer - anger.

We all have a full tool box of interpersonal skills, which we can call upon whenever we take the time to take a deep breath and make conscious choices.


Further reading: Don't shoot the messenger

Albert Einstein: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results

Moderating the Anger Response Through Training