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May the world be kind to you, and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself. - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Monday, January 12, 2009

Never Let Anyone Get Your Goat, Push Your Buttons, Get You Riled Up, or Annoy You - 6 Ways to Cope - jlh

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- jlh
Whether phrased as "push your buttons," "get your goat," "get you riled up," or "annoy you," it's no fun to be on the receiving end. How to cope?

1. Don't take it personally. Even when someone criticizes your actions or demeans your very nature, know that they are merely directing their inner turmoil in your direction. Someone else's opinion of you is mostly irrelevant, and basically none of your business. Don't assume that there is any validity to an accusation. Perhaps there is a valuable lesson buried inside the unkindness that merits objective consideration, but negative emotions are best just quickly discarded.

2. Look to the positive people in your life for support. If you balance many positive and supportive friends against one or two negative influences, it is much easier to cope. If you don't currently have enough positive people in your life, begin a focused effort to add positive people to your inner circle. If you don't have personal connections, search for groups of positive people at MeetUp.com

3. Remove negative people from your life. Yes you can, even if it's your boss. You don't need that job so much that it's worth your health or happiness. Everything in life is a choice. Sometimes making a change is important, while other times just knowing that you hold the power to make a different choice is enough.

4. Forgive the offender, not for their sake, but for your own sake. The act of forgiving releases your anger and provides space for rational thinking and action.

5. Be grateful for the wake-up call. Any time that someone or something grabs your attention is a good time to be grateful - even if the message is unpleasant. Something is happening that requires your conscious awareness. Perhaps you have a lesson to learn or an action to take. Perhaps it is time to remove another negative influence from your life.

6. Release any expectations that the unkind person should have acted differently. Life is not fair, and you only cause yourself unhappiness if you hold an expectation that life or any individual should be fair or kind.

Read Stop Anger Before It Stops You - 7 Secrets for more ways to cope with anger.

23 comments:

  1. This all sounds so wonderful, but I find it so-o-o hard not to take it all PERSONAL-Maybe it is all for my own good. And how does one FORGIVE? I find it quite difficult to do, even the concept confuses me. I love your web site. I gets me to thinking and seems to center me.

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  2. Thank you for your site. I am realizing when I am angry at someone I AM taking it personnally. I am, we are, ME centered and egotistical;only concerned about how me,me,me. We learn this all our lives and now particularly from the media; tv, videos, youtube, news. We are inundated with ugly incidences about how people are treating each other and we laugh about it. We have to take steps to counter-act all of that. If I had young children now I would take action to limit that access.
    Learning.

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  3. What I strive to do when I am encountering this type of situation is to picture the words as wind, I am listening to the words, emotion, etc and let the energy flow through & around me. I also take silent breaths to calm the adreline and stay focused. I usually do not respond until I can get myself centered. Use their energy to your advantage (think martial arts) I find that these 2 things seem to move me a small distance from the epicenter of conflict to where I can be more of an observer instead of reacting. Also, visualizing white healing light around the person & myself sometimes helps - just some thoughts.

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  4. I enjoy reading your E-Mails.Very inspirational.Thank-You! From.Cuqui.

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  5. Gee, Jonathan and All 4 of you "Anonymous" writers above, I really can use your suggestions. At present, there is an extremely negative enviroment around me.
    Seesee

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  6. Thank you- this site saved me today.

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  7. This is what I needed today! I do take things personally. Sometimes I forget to count my blessings and only see the negative energy around me.

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  8. Great tips!!! It is not easy to move from a comfort zone, no matter how negative, but in the long run, it is much better.

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  9. I love the "picture the words as wind"...perfect, I will try this. Jeannie

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  10. Wow! this is what happened to me at work yesterday. I was very annoyed at someone and the whole day turned out horrible. I should teach myself how to react better in this situations...all the comments here are great advices. Thank you.btw I love your website :)

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  11. I have constant turmoil within my life and sometimes just get buried in day-after-day of horribleness. I find myself wanting to not take things personally, then gearing up for it by planning my reaction in advance. I try to prepare myself to be like James Bond - calm, classy - in what I know is likely to be a volatile situation. I coach myself mentally beforehand - be cool.

    Usually that works - if I remember to use it when the situation develops. But often, I get that feeling high up in my chest, start loosing my breath, my anger begins to rise uncontrollably and then I just loose it.

    I often regret the way I react in cases like this, and later on try to reconcile it to myself saying I'll never do it again. It's been working a bit better these days, but I still find myself 'over-reacting' and wish I could get better at managing myself.

    Jon your writing is truly inspiring. I leave on a 10 day trip overseas today, so I'll get a chance reflect on you travel tips. Thank you!

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  12. I also enjoy this website and today, especially. I have read the comments from others and each one has made an impression on me. After I read the comment regarding the 'wind' I thought of something I was told years ago. Pretend you're a duck. (I know that sounds strange but keep on reading). Pretend the words are just water. The negative words are like water on a duck's back, they just slide right off. Then, the duck just shakes it off, a little more, and off he goes. My friend would cue me sometimes by saying, "Water off a duck's back." That's all I needed and I got it....I would smile or chuckle and then I didn't take it so seriously or personally. RM

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  13. thank you for your inspirational message,i try to let things go,but occassinally my heart saddened because of injustice and negative comments i hear around me.
    i wll continue to work on your inspirational tips

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  14. This is really inspirational...
    We know this facts inside our heart but sometimes we just forget these things in real life coz the environment around us is so negative, competitive. In professional life everyone is just pull each others legs.. So we forget these values and our thoughts gets corrupted in that process.

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  15. Very nice and important tips for live life with positive thinking!I like your collection of 6 way to cops!Life is war for warrior but garden for gardener!So take a chill pill!
    acecard

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  16. Stress is an invented concept as well. Some people make money out of creating techniques of coping with stress. If we refuse to be aware of many things that happen in the world, even though they are negative, then we choose to be ignorant. And if we choose to be ignorant, then we don't change the world into a better place.
    Probably balancing is the best, as it is suggested here somewhere, as well.
    I think stress is another form of selfishness, ..."oh, I am stressed out, and this and that is stressing me".
    We are born to love, and stress is the absence of love, which, unfortunately is being taken advantage of by some people to make money or to gain audience to become celebrities.
    Feelings are the easiest to speculate...

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  17. Your web site is my all time favorite. Every morning, i look forward to reading the quote of the day. It always start my day on the right foot.

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  18. What exactly are the steps of forgiveness? I agree that it is important but I find it difficult to forgive people who truly don't deserve it.

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  19. Forgiveness is for yourself - so you can let go of the anger and hatred.

    See http://www.mind4joy.com/2011/04/how-to-forgive-and-move-on.html

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  20. Remember, no one can make you feel anyway. It's up to you to interpret the sitatuion, and really think " is this really about me, or is it more about them?"

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  21. It is great to read you and to be reminded about the essentials for I believe it is all ingrained in our body, we need to find the right state of consciousness to tap into our own wisdom. I think your approach help us do that.

    I appreciate this article because I am the care giver of a person who takes pleasure in pushing my buttons. I discover that I can keep my serenity and be bullet proof from the blows by walking, walking for hours just clears my mind and it is like renewing my breath. However there are still things that I need to understand and be more conscious of to free myself completely and get my own lights and energy vibes to shine, no matter what, in our environment. This article does help to bring forth my awareness and I particularly aknowledge that I am still expecting her to act differently...

    Thank you for your precious insights.

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  22. galations 5:22 -the fruit of the spirit - we can see quickly if we bear the fruits of the spirit ,when we come into different situations with people.If we cannot forgive than we lack these Fruits..that is my encouragement daily...because in different situations I can "see' which fruit is still short in my life,and in which areas I need to work on..its not easy but at the end its worth it...because you have set yourself Free from bondage..that we truly owe to ourselves.....Shalom...Mercia Wanneburg

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  23. I do agree it is not always easy to forgive especially quickly. It's a process and I think you already have done the first step, which is to acknowledge that it important. I also think having done that, you then keep searching for inspiration that will strengthen your belief why forgiveness is important. You also have to pray about it and ask for strength to forgive. Tell yourself that you want to be free and to forgive that person and if consistently you do these things, eventually the anger will melt away and forgiveness will fill your heart. It also depends on how much you really want to free yourself of anger and resentment.

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