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Thursday, January 22, 2009

Is Your Relationship In Danger? Take This 10 Question Quiz To Find Out


Is Your Relationship In Danger? Take This 10 Question Quiz To Find Out
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You have the occasional argument. Sometimes you feel frustrated, and you have that uneasy sense that everything is not as it should be. Is your relationship in trouble? The answer may not be obvious. Take this quiz to measure the overall state of your relationship and highlight the trouble spots.

1. When you have an argument, is it about a specific issue, or is it about your partner's character? A specific issue would be, "You forgot to take out the garbage last night," while "you never remember anything," is a generalized character assassination.

2. Do you have more conflict or less conflict when the two of you get time alone together? Do a "date night" or a few days away renew your relationship, or create more stress?

3. Is there physical violence in your relationship? Have you come close to physical violence? Are there threats of physical violence?

4. How often does the thought that you would rather be with someone else pass through your mind?

5. Take one minute to write a list of what you like and what you dislike about your partner. How many "likes" and how many "dislikes" are on your list?

6. Do you seriously question your partner's faithfulness?

7. Do you have arguments about sex?

8. In times of emergency or grief - such as when a relative becomes ill or dies, do you and your partner pull together?

9. If you could turn the clock back to the day you first met your partner, would you choose a different direction for your life?

10. If you won the lottery, would you be overjoyed to share the blessing with your partner, or would you wish it were all yours?

Physical violence or threats are the biggest danger signs for your relationship and for your personal safety. If they are present, get professional help TODAY.

The following are all danger signs for your relationship. If several are present, your relationship is in real trouble:

  • character assassination
  • fantasizing often about being with someone else
  • not having ready access to a list of your partner's great qualities
  • doubts of faithfulness
  • serious sexual incompatibility
  • lack of mutual support in times of crisis
  • a feeling of being stuck or obligated by the relationship
Question #2 offers hope that your relationship may be much sounder than it appears. Conflict in your relationship may be primarily a reflection of the stress in your individual lives.

Often, partners redirect frustration and anger about unrelated events toward each other. For example, your boss yelled at you, and you yell at your partner. This unconscious redirection is a behavior that can be overcome through conscious attention, and is not a reflection on the overall quality of your relationship. If you and your partner are loving and supportive toward each other in relatively stress-free situations, you likely have a basis for working through your other issues.

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